Remembering Where You’re Going, When You’re Not Where You Wanna Be!


This has been a VERY challenging task for me! Growing up as an only child I didn’t ask for much but when I did ask I usually got it. So when I envisioned myself at 14 on stage singing my heart out for a stadium of people I kind of expected that to happen waaayyyy before now! (Had that vision over 14 years ago!) Like I mentioned before, I’d always surrounded myself with people who were doing what I wanted to do (at least in some capacity). I never really worked outside of the Entertainment industry but there have been some dark times for sure. I remember I was on “hiatus” from one of my production jobs and by “hiatus”, I mean:

#UNemploymentForAnUNcertainAmountOfTime

#JustHopeYourShowGetsPickedUp

#HopeYourSavingsAccountIsOnFleek

#LeaveTheHouseIfYouWantToButRememberYouHaveNOMoney

At first, it was a cool break for a month or two and then it became three or four months, then eight months and my last bout was two years! The extended unemployment periods were some lonely times because you don’t want to stay in the house all day but then if you leave you are tempted to spend money you don’t really have. But worst of all, you feel like you just aren’t contributing to society. You feel like a failure. I remember working for the Census (basically, for free because Unemployment deducted whatever outside money I made from my check) just so I could get out of the house and feel useful. Cool way to get to know my neighbors I guess. That was the same year that my grandmother passed away. I remember sitting in my room crying. Asking God WHY? Why is everything in my life falling apart? Why am I am a failure? I had the BIGGEST pity party EVER in my room. That was the time I officially “Quit!” I went on strike. I told God (out loud) that I was “Done!” I went on and on about how my life sucked and that I was not going to take it anymore! I then proceeded to lay on my bed in protest for a FULL 30 seconds and then it hit me…nothing was happening. I was still here, still upset, still hurt and still confused. If those four walls could talk…they would have had me committed! I sat up on my bed crossed my arms in frustration and I began to write a song…through my tears. I was sure that it was going to be a sad song. I was sure it would likely be mildly angry or at the very least sarcastic. That is when I wrote, “Through the Dark.” A song that still encourages me today:

Through the Dark 

Sometimes it feels like you can’t do nothing right

When you try is when you fail

But that ain’t the reason for everyone there’s a season…under the sun

No you ain’t the only one’s who’s lost their way…or gone astray

But maybe the plans bigger than you can see

(Chorus)

No you can’t turn around

Because your breakthrough is in the now

It’s been so hard nobody likes that but when you’re on the other side

 you can see through the dark

Now see I’ve been there

And I might have done that

Been down the road before and I don’t want to go back

But don’t you lose your will

Though your fightin battles still you’re getting closer…so much closer

(Chorus)

No you can’t turn around

Because your breakthrough is in the now

It’s like your losin ground and you can’t understand it

All your friends are doing well and you feel abandoned

But inside you there’s a light that you can’t extinguish

But you gotta do it and you know

(Chorus)

It’s funny because looking back at that time and these lyrics I can see that I was actually speaking life into my future. It’s as if my spirit knew where I was going even if my body was not there and my mind was in disbelief. To be honest, I feel that way now from time to time like, “Am I truly getting closer to my breakthrough?” “Is it really going to happen for me?”

“Before everything else, getting ready is the secret to success.” –Henry Ford

As much as I would have wanted to have my dream handed to me on a silver platter at that time…I wasn’t quite ready. I have learned myriad lessons since then and I am so grateful! Had I received what is being prepared for me back then I likely would have ACTUALLY needed to be committed! (lol) I was so sensitive and worried about what the world thought of me. My self-esteem was about as “thick” as a communion wafer and I didn’t even know it!

In retrospect, it probably would have served me to have trusted where I was at the moment. The “Power of Now” (great book!)

“Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be.”-Sonia Ricotti

Just as God knows (your spirit knows…or whatever you believe) WHAT is best it also knows WHEN is best. Not saying that your dream must take forever and a day. It’s just that you probably won’t be able to handle calculus if you don’t learn your timetables first. It’s all ok…as long as you don’t let it turn to worry. I think: (1) Keeping focused on your goal(s) (2) Trusting that you will indeed get there. (3)Trusting the journey you are taking is the BEST journey for you is the key.

When we get lost on the street we turn on our GPS and trust that it will take us where we need to go from where we are. (I will admit that sometimes my GPS has had me making obnoxiously unnecessary turns but its man-made so we can expect a little error) but your internal GPS is never usually wrong. It leads us into situations not to take us off of our path but to firmly plant us on it! (Hence the word “firmly.”)

Note to Self: I may not be where I want to be but I am where I am for a really good reason. I am in preparation for where I am going to be…and its ok!

Task:

  • Refer to “Note to Self” when I get frustrated!

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. LaKeisha says:

    Thank you.
    I so appreciate how you’re always open and honest. You know how things have been for me lately and I needed to read this. I remember this period in your life, because I was there. Seeing you over the years and throughout most of our lives has been inspiring. This has motivated me! Fitting that I read this one 1st, God knew! Love you sis.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow!!! That makes my heart smile on so many levels! I am so glad you are feeling motivated! I am posting weekly so feel free to check in and share your journey if you desire. I am proud of you for always persevering. Proud of you generally speaking actually! Love you too sis!

      Like

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