So this is a very difficult post for me to write. My whole blog is about encouraging others (myself included) to be your best self and to have faith and yada yada yada!
Welp! Let me say that hey I am oh so very human and the topic of the day is the ickiness of envy!En·vy:
- a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.
Ok, so I wish this was just a general non-specific post about this topic. I wish that I was just speculating about this subject and that I did not feel it when I looked at my social media posts or the random thoughts that would come to my mind but this is real. There is a specific person (I won’t say who) that I have found myself being envious of. Its not that I feel they are a bad person or received their success unjustifiably…honestly it is quite the opposite! This person is kind, talented and hard working and generally speaking I admire certain qualities in this person because they honestly remind me of myself. (Before I felt so jaded with this entertainment industry). This person is so very similar to me in ways that it just makes me shake my head in disbelief that I have these mixed emotions about seeing this person flourish. Of course I am very proud of their success and love seeing them shine (and believe me they are shinin’!) But on the other hand, I just have this aching feeling within myself like: “But why not me God?!” Whenever I would see a post or they cross my mind I immediately begin to think… “Is it because I’m not good enough?” or “Didn’t I pay my dues?” or “I quit!” It’s AMAZING the whirlwind of emotions that go into the feelings of envy. What I am learning in this journey is that those feelings are not at all a reflection of the unworthiness of the other person or even a feeling of unworthiness within myself. I believe I have felt this way because deep down inside this person is NOT doing something that I do not believe that I can do. Deep down I KNOW within my soul that I have what it takes to execute at such a high level! I know that I too have gifts to share that have remained dormant for one reason or another. I honestly believe that I too can achieve great success!
On the contrary, I have never felt any envy toward Martha Stewart, my dentist or Barack Obama (maybe a little towards Michelle…for obvious reasons…just kidding Michelle..sorta :-)! Why don’t I feel envy with these people? Welp! Its because I know that my talents nor desires fall in alignment with making crafts or making domestic life simpler and more fulfilling (at least not in that way), I don’t want to do any root canals and I’m not so interested in politics on that level (however, before the end of his term I would love to attend a state dinner or hop on Air Force One and play some spades with the Obamas!) In addition, though beautiful I have never wanted to be a supermodel like Tyra Banks or Chanel Iman. I am only 5’ 5” so that is not really what my body is set up for and I am ok with that! But, what is my body set up for? What talents and desires do I have to express them? I am physically able and desire to get on stage (or in front of a camera) and sing, act, do stand-up and write scripts, etc. So in taking inventory of what I have just expressed here:
I am able to do the things I desire to do, yet I find myself being envious of another person because they are currently doing what I desire to do…
Hmmm that sounds a little fishy to me! That is completely contradictory thinking because if I am physically able to do a thing and desire to do it then what is the problem? I am actually winning! If there are any doubts its only because I am not acknowledging my own power! I am selling myself short. I have believed a lie that I somehow cannot do a thing. That something is out of my reach. I believed it and it left a bitter taste on my tongue.
So what if, when I see the next post and feel a twinge of envy creeping in that I receive that as confirmation that I actually CAN do it! That my body is giving me signals that I am on the right path. What if at that very moment I remember my similarities with the “object of my envy” and recognize that the only true difference is that they have achieved a certain thing that I desire to also achieve. They have talent just as I do so we are more similar than we are different. They have opportunities just as I do (no matter what things seem like, there is an abundance in this great Universe for us to receive our heart’s desire). The truth is, that it is only our limited belief in ourselves and our perception of reality that truly keeps us from shining! When we see that even our enviousness is reminding us of our own greatness then we are more likely to walk into that greatness with confidence!
- Examine self for times that the feelings of envy arise.
- Ask yourself why you are feeling that way.
- Remind yourself that you would not be envious if you thought that you were INcapable of achieving the same or even a higher level of success.
- Get Active! Do it! Stop talking about it…just do it and feel that sense of satisfaction .